Beating the Retreat

After a day of sweat, spears and crimson blood, when soldiers used to call it a day or ‘beat the retreat’, it was usually with a ceremony of music and massed bands. The tradition continues in England, and in Commonwealth countries, generally against the backdrop of a castle. In India, the tradition started by James II in 1690, marks the end of Republic Day celebrations every 29th January. So, there we were, at the nerve centre of India’s political power, Vijay Chowk, Raisina Hills, for a preview of Beating the Retreat.

Six men sit still atop camels in the background, while bands trooped in with their bugles, bagpipers, trumpets, drums and played some scintillating music with enchanting synchronization. Some band members tapped their feet to music and the tapping too is neatly choreographed. The leaders of each band sway their clubs as they march, occasionally throwing it in the air to mark a change a note. The spectacle is resplendent to say the least, with variegated colours of uniforms- blue, orange, red, green, checks, turbans et al, and an endlessly variety of instruments. Fanfare is perhaps the best example of perfect synchronization with bands marching fast while coming, and then they march slow, twirl around and form patterns while performing. Towards the end, massed bands perform with their drums, first rising in crescendo and echoing through the massive buildings of Lutyens’ Delhi, then ebbing in a soft refrain.

This year 30 bands are performing, 8 from the navy and air force, and 22 from the army. Most of the compositions this time are Indian, and Captain P.G. George of the navy is the captain of the time. This is the 24th time he’s participating in the function, and tells that most of the tunes are new except Souza’s Thunderer which is an essential marching doggerel, and the evergreen Abide With Me, which was a favourite with Gandhi ji and King George V. The song was composed by Henry F. Lyte in 1847 as a premonition song for his death of tuberculosis. The tune was later changed by William Monk in 1864 and the tune has stayed with many churches and army bands ever since. There’s a composition by S.C. Hill called Hindostan Hamara Hai which is also quite a lilting refrain. Hill had also written a book called Three Frenchmen of Bengal, about the rise of the Brits and the demise of the French. So the Hill connection is quite interesting on Raisina Hill, for in him we find the confluence of Hindostan, Inglistan and Fransistan.
(The pic is by Naresh Sharma)

M Grade ka Maalik

Wonsaponatime, in 1994, a reviewer wrote this about a movie, “There are A grade, B grade and C grade films, but this one is beyond all that. It falls into the M grade. M for Mithun.” The movie was Cheetah, in which Mithun da remains as young and fresh as a babe unborn after 20 years in comma, and avenges on his adversaries by using his claws like a cheetah. So, the movie-going-world is neatly divided into lovers of M grade and non-lovers of M grade. Among the M grade diehards, there are two types – lovers of Gunda and non-lovers of Gunda. In the latter category, there are zero members.

Orkut needs no introduction I guess. All kinds of Orkut freaks have been trying to run all kinds of communities, some of which are hot and most are not. To the uninitiated, try out the Gunda Fan Club. It is the most dedicated one-movie-club that’s ever happened in the history of humanity. There are over 2000 members, active members, who keep their intellectual debate alive on the ‘greatest movie ever made’. You have to watch it to believe it. It’s got a string of unforgettable characters like Bachhu Bhigona, Ibu Hatela, Lambu Atta, Kafanchor Neta etc. There are 13 murders, 3 rapes and unlimited revenge by Shankar played by the indomitable Mihtun da who works as a coolie at the airport! Every villains dies after rendering his pet musical dialogue, without any fear or favour. The icing on the cake is that the film is a musical- all dialogues are in poetry! The movie has got a rating of 9.6 on 10 on IMDB, a leading international movie website, courtesy the unfailing fans. The club has been started by the IITians, so the when you open the page, the related pages shown are IIT Kanpur, IIT Delhi etc etc. The sheer fact that over 2000 people know each and every dialogue of a 1998 film are still watching it is to say the least, amazing.

The fan club has launched a dedicated movie site, http://www.gundathemovie.com/ besides having done a collective PhD on the Kanti Shah film. To start with they researched, in their forum, on the name Gunda. It turns out that Gunda is a Norwegian name for a female warrior (from www.babynames.org !!). So who’s the female warrior in the film? All the women who lay down their lives, and whose murders shall be avenged by the coolie of the airport! In the classic musical which opens with Kafanchor neta’s (a veiled reference to George Fernandes) dialogue to Lambu Atta, “Tu jo Dilli se billi ka doodh pee ke aaya hai, bata kyun aaya hai,” our panel of experts has researched on why ‘Billi ka doodh’. They have returned with some amazing stories about benefits of cat’s milk and its wide usage in Eastern Europe. Check out http://www.burleson-arabians.com/cats_milk.htm. There are comparisions with Tarantino and Forest Gump and more, and obviously the winner of all discussions in the forum is Mithun da alias Prabhuji. Prabhu ji, why? Gunda opens with a Mithun photo with a caption “Prabhuji Films” and a background voice that says “Do chaar chhe aath dus, bus!” Fans attribute this rendering of five numbers as relating to Pythagoras and his theorems of duality and pentagrams. There are FAQs, some 300 in number that explain the rationale behind the profound scenes that go beyond normal human perception. There are endless downloads where you can download ringtones, and M grade movies. The underground movement threatens to usurp all things mainstream. There’s a real life story in one of the discussions. Goes like this, “Yesterday, I went to a cobbler for getting my shoes polished. I noticed T.L.V. Prasad written on his hand. I asked his name and he said his name was Gopal.... I asked then why T.L.V. Prasad??? He said because he makes movies of Mithun da...I asked then why didn't you write Mithunda... He said he had it tattooed it on his chest...”

Space restricts me from going on about the ongoing PhD happening at this page, but there’s a lot of craze about Dada’s role in Guru, where he is reportedly said to have played Ram Nath Goenka, the founder of Indian Express. He looks old and jaded in the film, but that doesn’t deter the fans from watching a film in which he does his deeshko dance again with a svelte 18 year old. Join the club and make it 10 on 10 on IMDB!
(the cartoon is by Jishudev Malakar)

Tracing the passes

well well well...'twas promised by a higher up in India Today that this'd become a column in the mag - Etymologically Yours...but a very similar editorial appeared in a mag of the group under the name of a believer in 555...anyways, posting it here for the fun of it


The other day, on Deen Dayal Upadhyaya Marg, I came across this signboard: "Trace Passers will be prosecuted" at the entrance of some old dilapidated bunglow. One knows of trespassers who make a thoroughfare out of a no-thoroughfare. One also knows of tress passers, which could either be a babe making passes with her tresses, or a dude who could be making passes at cute tresses. Trace passers, however, sent me on a hunt for the origin of the original trespasser. Tres comes from Latin trans which means beyond; while pass is pass, that is go by. "Entering unlawfully", the current meaning is first recorded in Scottish forest laws of 1290. The phrase trespass is also used euphemistically for "to die", an obvious association with "go beyond".

If we pass on to other part of the phrase, that is pass, we'll pass out because it'll open up a Pandora's box. Passing the buck to pass therefore is not a good idea, but we can pass out a few interesting facts about the phrases related with the word. Pass-fail as a grading system comes into being as late as 1959, while make a pass, that is "offer an amorous advance" was first used in 1928, most probably from a sporting sense. Impasse from the negation ("im") of passé and was first used by Voltaire as a euphemism for cul de sac. Cul de sac literally means the "arse/ass of a bag" but used for a street with one inlet/oulet with a dead end. Cul that sounds very classy, is considered a vulgar slang in French.

Having said all this I have already "traced past" , either to the delight or the chagrin of the author of the signboard. My day was however made with a girl flaunting these words on her tee: Stresspassers will be prosecuted. Highly recommended as office uniform!

People of the world, Google has not declared the results of the Wordmaster Challenge. So I post my entry here for you to judge. Wotsay?

It is absurd and weird that men are better than horses because of their horse sense. What if the horses imagine an impossible scene of making men 'had been; what if they put on their thinking hats, and go inside a box to analyze phenomena, to experiment, to create? Their inquisitive faculties, incisive observations, and horse power and energy might just rein in all the luck, and give them the right direction. You never know! When they come out of the box, they might just say ' Eureka'! Archimedes had discovered the principle of floating, they might discover principles of emoting, doting, gloating all of which are vanishing from the human race. Swift had written about this in Gulliver's Travels . Hyounyms were master horses, Yahoos were slave men. You don't think it's practical? Did anyone think that a djinn called Google would be possible? Now we know why Google overrides Yahoo. The horse power may cause men-o-pause. It's time to give up?

Time to think out of the box?
What do you think of this innovation?
I think it rocks.
I have put on all my thinking hats and socks!

if the lord of metaphor doesn't mind
a little mythical muse in my mind:
i cannot be an agamemnon
i can only be an achilles
i can only be a hector
a litter of power and glitter
cannot possibly be the vector
name is perhaps the only desire
that outshine
the vanquished and the victor.
until an arrow strikes the heel
and invites vultures to take the leap
i am an arrow
shot from nothingness to nothingness
penetrating the maze and the gaze.
the crowns
tumble down
on lists
but the fists
of the lone warriors
whistle through the mists
of time.
the wanderer's tale meanders
on the map like a river
forever.

tam tama tam tam
tamatar khayen hum
ungrez ka bachcha kya jaane
ungrezi jaanein hum